Starting a family is an exciting time for any couple, with many same-sex partners using IVF to make that dream a reality. For same-sex female couples (SSC), reciprocal IVF , sometimes referred to as ‘Shared Motherhood’ is an option that gives both partners the chance to share the pregnancy journey.
So, how does reciprocal IVF work, and how is it different from standard IVF? Find out more about the process and how you can support your fertility throughout.
What is reciprocal IVF and how does it work?
Reciprocal IVF is a fertility treatment designed for SSC, allowing both partners to share in the conception process. One partner provides the eggs, which are fertilised with donor sperm, while the other partner carries the pregnancy. This way, both partners have a biological and physical connection to their child: one as the genetic parent, the other as the birth parent. Reciprocal IVF not only allows both parents to share the physical experiences of the process, but also to emotionally be involved in the experience of the early stages of parenthood.
What is the difference between IVF and reciprocal IVF?
Standard IVF and reciprocal IVF are both fertility treatments, but they differ in several ways:
- Standard IVF: In standard IVF, the person providing the eggs also carries the pregnancy. This is available to SSC, and common for heterosexual couples or individuals using donor sperm. The treatment typically costs between £5,000–£8,000.
- Reciprocal IVF: During reciprocal IVF, one partner provides the eggs (she is a donor) while the other carries the baby. The medical process for reciprocal IVF can be more complex, as it requires both partners to undergo medical procedures: one partner undergoes egg retrieval, while the other prepares for embryo transfer. Because of this added cycle, reciprocal IVF is more expensive, typically costing between £8,000–£12,000.
Despite the added costs, many couples are still choosing reciprocal IVF, as this option allows both parents to biologically share the journey.
What is the reciprocal IVF process?
Reciprocal IVF involves several key steps. Before starting the process, couples may choose to start taking fertility supplements to support their reproductive health before undergoing fertility testing to assess egg quality and uterine health. The insights gathered from this testing could be used to guide your decision as to which donates eggs and which one of you carries the pregnancy. It can also sometimes determine who carries a baby first in the case of both women being keen to carry a baby to achieve a family.
In order to produce eggs, the partner undergoing IVF begins hormone stimulation. The partner who will carry the baby will commence cycle monitoring in order to effectively synchronise cycles to facilitate the correct time in the cycle to transfer embryos. After the eggs have been retrieved in the partner undergoing IVF, they are fertilised with donor sperm, then grown in the laboratory before being transferred into the other partner to carry the pregnancy.
Occasionally synchronisation with cycles is not carried out; IVF is performed and all embryos frozen for later transfer. Since both partners undergo medical procedures, the timeline can be more complex when compared with standard IVF.
How should you choose which partner will be the donor and who will be the carrier?
Deciding who should be the egg donor and who will carry the pregnancy can be a difficult decision to make. Whilst personal preference is important, many couples lean on the advice of a fertility specialist, whose medical assessments and guidance may inform the decision. Medical history, fertility status, age, and lifestyle can all play a part—one partner may have better egg quality, while the other may be more suited to pregnancy. Ultimately, there’s no right or wrong answer: it’s about what feels best emotionally, physically, and practically for both of you.
How to decide if reciprocal IVF is the best option for you
Deciding if reciprocal IVF is right for you is a personal journey, and it’s okay to have questions or mixed emotions. Start with honest, open conversations with your partner about your hopes, concerns, and what matters most to each of you. A supportive fertility clinic will guide you through every step, offer counselling and clarity on the process, success rates, and what to expect. Take your time to understand the procedures and consider how they fit into your lives. Most importantly, choose what feels right for both of you, and remember that you don’t have to figure it out alone.
How can you improve your chances of successful reciprocal IVF?
To improve your chances of successful reciprocal IVF, preparation is key. Both you and your partner will benefit from maintaining a healthy lifestyle: eating balanced meals whilst staying active, and managing stress. You should also avoid smoking and alcohol, as both can negatively impact fertility. Taking supplements, like Impryl, can also support your fertility throughout the reciprocal IVF process. Impryl supports egg and sperm health at a cellular level, helping to optimise fertility, especially if you start taking it a few months before treatment. With the right preparation and support, you’ll be giving yourselves the best possible start on your reciprocal IVF journey.
“Reciprocal IVF can be hugely rewarding and a special experience for SCC enabling both partners to feel they are equally contributing to the journey to parenthood in their own special way. It can enable couples to raise a family with their own personal story to achieve their dream.” Dr Shabana Bora
Starting on the journey to reciprocal IVF is both exciting and intimidating, and it’s okay to feel as anxious as you are excited. Taking the necessary steps to support the reproductive health of both you and your partner with fertility supplements will help you to feel confident and prepared entering into the process, knowing that you’ve given your bodies the support they need.
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